Internet & Game addiction

[rusty731]

I just got done reading an article on internet and MMORPG addiction, http://www.gamergod.com/article_display.cfm?article_id=174 and it got me to wondering.

Just how bad is internet and MMOG addiction, really? I mean, you have millions of people that sit and watch tv or read a book for hours on end and you don't see the mainstream public complaining about that, but when it comes to the internet and gaming, there are tons of articles and studies done that say that surfing the internet or gaming for hours on end is bad for you.

Personally, I'd rather sit at a pc and game then sit in front of the tv.

[Rafal Dudek]

Dunno. MMO games are getting boring as hell with lack of innovation. I'm only totalling maybe an hour or two a day in WoW =[

[Chylde Roland]

Yeah, that's something that's always bothered me. If I veg in fron of the tube it's more acceptable than playing agame for the same amount of time? yeah, whatever.

I've never been addicted to a game like I am to World of Warcraft, but it's not to the point of interfering with my life. I know to turn it off when I have plans, and I seldom stay up later than I should on a work night, etc. My addictive personality shows itself in different ways, I guess.

[mandrake]

You guys raise an interesting point about people being concerned about gaming when more often than not people spend even more time in front of the old boob tube. I'd love to see a study on housewives addicted to Oprah and The View.

[MatW]

Hi, im quite new to these boards but not new to the reality of internet addiction. I'm not one to write long narratives about my life so let me get to the point. I used to be an MMORPG addict and are my brothers. We used to play Lineage2 on hour's end, but i thank God that He got us out of that mess. Still, it was my 15yr old brother who got hit the most cuz even after the rest of us stopped, he still kept on playing and it got worse. I know that all of you guys gave valid points but i guess it's different when its your own family that's suffering. Just my two cents...

[Happy Chris†man]

I know that all of you guys gave valid points but i guess it's different when its your own family that's suffering. Just my two cents...

I've been holding my tongue (okay - my fingers) on the subject to avoid getting preachy, myself. The truth is, though, that I know both Net and MMORPG far more intimately than I'd like to recall.

I'll spare you the sob story, but out of love for my brother and sister gamers, I can't keep silent in good conscience: Laugh all you like, but this stuff is real and when it's in your house, it's more serious than you want to know.

Let's face it: Virtually-rendered realities are increasingly more beautiful as technology advances to allow more and more detail. Sometimes it's less hassle to make friends within a clan or on a game server than to deal with the flaws of people we're around every day, too. There's nothing wrong with appreciating a lush digital forest or making an e-buddy. We just have to remember that the real world and real people have a lot to offer that we'll miss one day when we keel over. It's better to unplug periodically and appreciate them now.

Addiction's like carbon monoxide in the sense that you can't smell, taste, or see it in time to save yourself. The wise gamer is vigilant and keeps his/her life well ventilated. Warning signs include neglecting loved ones and even meals, but in latter stages, it can lead to avoidance (and even fear) of social interaction outside the Net altogether.

If you find yourself gripped with addiction, you need to end it, but don't let it affect your self esteem. If it wasn't an increasingly easy trap to get into, Sony and Blizzard wouldn't be paying designers to keep working on EverQuest and WoW. These games don't make money if people don't keep coming back, whether they can afford to financially/emotionally/physically or not. Don't hate them for it, but be aware that they are paid to care solely about the money you're pumping in every month. They get nada (zip, zero, zilch) for considering what their game could be doing to your life and that of your loved ones.

Also, if you're naturally shy, young (in your 20's or below), or both, don't let yourself be decieved into thinking your life is as good now as it will ever be. No matter how rough your real-life situation, there's always hope for improvement while you're breathing. I know a fountain of hope for anyone, no matter how dark their days, for that matter, but that's way off-topic.

I thought life peaked in high school (which was a disapointing though, during my high school years)... and then college... but it really hadn't even begun. No matter how cool the game, you do have more to look forward to than dancing pixels. :yes:

[MarkN]

I'm a snailgamer who never gets addicted to gaming cuz I don't play 'em a whole hell of a lot, though there have been a few times when I've had pretty intense, long lasting SP sessions. I very seldom do MP and then it's only UT or UT2K3, and only 1-3 times a year so I'm always a noob and easy pickin's for more experienced players. You know, the kinds who have no lives outside of games. :p:

[Pilgrim]

I'm in the mid forties and I tend to limit myself to 1/2 hr to 1 hr of gaming per day (ok maybe longer on weekends) . I have also the responsibilities that go with having a family of three kids . I never tried MP only SP but I might wander there with COD expansion...if there isn't too many kiddies and what they call team killers .

[Mara]

I'm older than Pilgrim and I could never play for hours on end. I enjoy playing games, but I watch far more television than I play games. And not Oprah!

[LupaNox]

I consider myself a gaming widow. I'm not married, but my live-in boyfriend has recently aquired World of Warcraft and forgotten about me, or anything else in his life for that matter.

He warned me beforehand that he was going to spend a lot of time playing it and I should be prepared. I guess I wasn't quite.

At first it was a couple of hours a night, and that was fine, but now things have escalated to the point where he is playing 6-8 hours a day, on weekdays and more on the weekends. He is sleeping through his alarm clock to go to work, and once a punctual employee, he is now about 15 minutes late every day.

Even worse is, he has let his personal hygeine and living space slide in to a state of perpetual neglect. Our apartment is filthy and he doesn't even seem to notice, having tunnel vision only for the game. I try to clean when I can, but, having my own high-stress job, time is a little hard to come by. I've reached a point where I dread going home because of the constant mess. Our sex life has dwindled to nearly nothing because he plays the game until the wee hours of the morning and I am too tired by that time to do anything more than roll over.

Despite his assertation that it is "just a way to unwind" I find myself considering leaving him over this. I dislike feeling like the Responsible One in a relationship, especially with someone who is so many years my senior. I refuse to play the part of the Nagging Girlfriend and would rather leave than have it come to that.

For his part, he feels I am overreacting and tells me not to be jealous of the game, not quite understanding that jealousy has nothing to do with it. He doesn't understand that playing the game isn't the problem, neglecting your life to play the game is, and one of these days he's going to log off to find that the life around him has gone away.

P.S. - For those of you demanding equal treatment for the boob tube, if I was dating someone who came home from work and immediately plopped down on the couch to watch tv until they staggered to bed at four in the morning, I would leave that person too.

[SupaTroopa]

Yeah it's a problem with more than just him I'm sure - have you thought of forwarding him your post above? I think it explains your stance and feelings quite well. He needs to hear it, it sounds like, and wake up. He will regret it deeply once he gets tired of WoW, which he will.

[LupaNox]

I wish that would work. We've talked about it and he thinks I am blowing the whole thing way out of proportion, whereas I think his gaming is taking on addiction-like properties

[LupaNox]

Perhaps the biggest frustration in this whole thing is this:

I was raised that games were recreational activities. They were something to be done in spare time, when you had finished the important things that needed doing (sort of the dinner-before-dessert approach to gaming). This game has become more than a hobby and trying to remind him to do important things in his life has me feeling like his mom!

I didn't sign up to have a child, I signed up to have a partner.

[SupaTroopa]

How long has he had the game now?

Those particular types of games require long bouts to gain levels and experience and encourage long-winded interaction with other's online cooperatively to move up, so it can be very addicting.

I would suggest having him post here to state his case or something, so other players of the game here could tell him to snap out of it and moderate his behavior - believe me we've all struggled with the same thing - but that might not be the right or effective thing to do, dunno (not that he'd even be willing due to his denial apparently).

This is a sensitive subject and I'm not sure what advice or help any of us could provide other than the standard "he needs to snap out of it and re-prioritize his life" type of thing.

I'm sorry it's affecting you in such a way and hope that he either realizes things and tires of his behavior, or you get through to him before you leave.

[Happy Chris†man]

I loathe most TV (save for the occasional History Channel show), even if it weren't too passive for me. I'd rather be playing something than watching someone else, if I have the time to do either.

LupaNox, those games are exactly the type I recommend avoiding, for exactly that variety of reason. People draw the worst possible conclusions about FPS sometimes (when the less gory are basically digital cops-and-robbers like we all played on playgrounds), but MMORPGs are gamers' crack. I mean that in the worst possible senses. You wind up paying the very thing that's destroying your life for the time it spends chewing you up and spitting you out.

Regarding your boyfriend, if you'll forgive me for butting in, it sounds like ultimatim time. He clearly has a problem and it may take your appearing to leave him in order to wake him up... or it may be time you truly moved on. Clearly for now at least, he's made his choice.

If only to have a clear conscience later, I'd spell it out to him, maybe on a sticky note in the center of his monitor, and go spend the night with family. If this doesn't work, a trial separation (or some pre-permanent split preparation) could be in order.

I'll pray things go well for you. Please (keep your chin up and) keep us posted.

[Gaim Mastr]

I'm know that I'm not the best person to give advice about relationships, what with me having commitment phobia and all. However, that doesn't mean I don't know anything about long term relationships.

One thing I do know is that if you're ready to leave your relationship because your boyfriend plays his new game all the time, then you're probably not much better off when it comes to coping with long term relationships than I am. I suspect mister Happy C here isn't any better.

Think of it as one commitment-phobe can recognize another. :wink:

The reason I say this, is because as any married person here can testify to, when it comes to long term relationships there will be a lot harder issues to overcome than a temporary game addiction. And that's all it really is. If he's spending that much time on the game, he'll get burned out that much sooner and start turning it off.

I'm not trying to belittle your concerns or the feelings you have when he's ignoring other aspects of his life in exchange for more game time.

But if you were to ask an older couple who's been married for many, many years what things have tested their relationship the most, then compare that list with this temporary game addiction of your boyfriend, I think you'll see it in a whole new light.


I didn't sign up to have a child, I signed up to have a partner.

I understand totally. But you should know...... the inner child never leaves us guys. Oh, we may put the child in a closet for a few hours out of the day, but that's about it.

Why do you think men like to watch sports, such as hockey, racing, football, etc. ??
We're playing.
When we fix furniture or build a cabinet, we're playing.
When we fire up the grill and cook chunks of meat, we're playing.
When we take the lawnmower apart and tune it up, we're playing.
When we have sex, we're playing.
When we go to a bar with our friends, we're playing.
When we go shopping for new home theater equipment, we're playing.
When we walk around an automobile showroom and look at the new model cars, we're playing.
When we go fishing or boating, we're playing.

Most men like to have fun and not worry about troubling things. That's because we'd rather be playing. I know that this usually comes across as men generally being more shallow than women, but maybe there's some truth to that. :lol:


Happy C would have you stomp your foot and issue an ultimatum. Bad idea. Even if he were to agree to stop playing, he's going to hold resentment toward you for doing that. I'd suggest that you step back and take a long look at the bigger picture. Is his temporary addiction to his game really worth throwing in the towel and walking out ??

We've all heard of fair weather friends. You don't want to be a fair weather lover, do you ??
Always there when the sun is shining and everything is going great, but ready to run as soon as a little rain and hard times come into the relationship.

Remember, you can't love someone in bits and pieces. You have to take the good with the bad.

[Chylde Roland]

When I was married many moons ago, I neglected my life and my relationship so I could play on my PC or my playstation, etc. My ex-wife had the same concerns about my computer time, and it can definitely become a problem. Using my personal experience and my hindsight as my gauge of things, I can honestly say he DOES have a problem, in my opinion. Because I know… I had the same problem.

Now, that wasn't the primary reason for me and the ex getting divorced, but I admit it was a contributing factor. The ultimate end to that relationship was by my choice, for different reasons, that I won't get into now. But as a result of those choices I made, I have been given a lot of insight and vision into the problems that can arise with addictions of any kind that aren't held in check. In the relationship immediately following that one, I did the same thing. That ended also, and that time it DID have to do with my gaming addiction.

So now, I'm very, very careful about how and when I play. I don't let it interfere with my work, I log off by 10 pm most nights (tho sometimes that slides), and I don't log in when I have other, real life things to do. Gaming is a pasttime, and I think your take on it is a good one, LupaNox: "… games were recreational activities. They were something to be done in spare time, when you had finished the important things that needed doing…"

I'm engaged again now, and my fiance knows about my gaming hobby, and it truly doesn't bother her. She accepts it about me, and as I say, it doesn't interfere in our relationship, so I think I've dealt with my issues around my gaming addictions.

Trust me, I learned the hard way that gaming addiction can be very, very real. But I'm not sure how you could go about getting this point across to your boyfriend. Most addicts need some pretty negative results before they can admit to having a problem. For me, it took a couple of failed relationships to see what needed improving in my life, and it was more than just the gaming. But that was part of what I learned.

I don't think the idea of your ultimatum would go over very well, as Gaim said. Most guys don't respond well to those, I know I've left relationships in which my partner issued one, because I believe they aren't necessary and are a form of coersion.

I'm sorry I can't be of much help, but it seems to me your choices are simple: either put up, or leave. I certainly don't blame you for feeling neglected, no one deserves that. But the best thing to do is leave, or learn to live with it. Have you tried playing the game yourself? I know several couples (like our very own Bruenor and his wife) who game together, so it becomes shared leisure time, and one of those game's is World of Warcraft. If you can't get into it, then maybe he's just not the right guy for you because he IS so into it.

Anyway… sorry for this rambling dissertation, I just wanted to try to put some words to my thoughts and experience, as one of the guys on the opposite side of the issue you're facing with your partner.

Please, keep us posted, and I hope things work out as they best can for you.

[Happy Chris†man]

One thing I do know is that if you're ready to leave your relationship because your boyfriend plays his new game all the time, then you're probably not much better off when it comes to coping with long term relationships than I am. I suspect mister Happy C here isn't any better.

I'm certainly no expert on relationships, but I've been married for over 11 years.

Happy C would have you stomp your foot and issue an ultimatum. Bad idea. Even if he were to agree to stop playing, he's going to hold resentment toward you for doing that.

No foot stomping was intended, nor was I suggesting an immediate break off (if you re-read my post, you'll see that I was advocating a night at her parents' to drive home the point rather than completely packing her bags).

That said, Gaim and I (hopefully amicably) disagree: Your boyfriend needs to grow up. I know because I was at a very similar point with my wife years ago. I'm thankful today that I was forced to confront how much I'd put ahead of her.

You need to be with someone who considers you to be more important than video games (this doesn't mean you shouldn't allow him to play them - he just needs to sort priorities). Ideally, I'd love to see that guy be your boyfriend or perhaps even fiance, if he wakes up, but if he won't wake up, it may be time to move on.

The important thing (that perhaps I under-emphasized) is that you give him every opportunity to shape/wake up, first. Don't short change your efforts to communicate, do them with love, and above all, don't start eyeballing other guys. If you separate, even permanently, it would be best for you to avoid romantic relationships for a while. Rushing into something else could only bring disaster, embitter your ex, and make heaps of guilt for you.

[OldsterHolster]

Well, LupaNox, you sound like a sensible and intelligent person; and I'm afraid you're between the old rock and a hard place. All serious relationships involve a myriad of interactions, some more important than others, but what is troubling about what you are describing is his losing touch with basic priorities. There's no excuse for slacking on personal hygeine, general cleanliness, or especially work-related responsibilities; and if he will do this for a game, I'd wonder what else he might do it for in the future.

Tough call, but you're the only one who can make it. Both Gaim and HappyC made some good points. Ultimatums rarely solve underlying problems, and they foster resentment even if they keep the union going; and communication is about the only hope. If he is not receptive to gentle discussion of the importance of your feelings, then you really have no choice except to exit, stage left, and move along. Life's too short, and relationships are hard enough when both people have it together to spend your energy and time trying to "fix" someone else.

I'm in my sixties, and alone; so, like Gaim, I obviously haven't discovered the secret of making relationships last forever, but I've learned, too. Your mate is screwing up, big time, but his "playing" and his "maleness" may prevent him from noticing the effects of his behaviour until the door slams behind you. Good luck, and stay in touch. Edward.

[Mr. Natural]

When a partner comments that you're neglecting them, it's time to listen up and re-evaluate what it is that is causing the problem.
LupaNox's partner has a problem for sure. There shouldn't be any ultimatums, but there should be compromise. If that doesn't happen then it's time for LupaNox to move on.

[Impresario]

Before I had kids when EQ and AO were new, I spent too much time playing those MMORPGS. They definitely can negatively impact your RL. I quit both of them before things got too messy, mainly because I felt very foolish caring so much about something so trivial. When you're involved with them though they seem like the most important thing in the world. Lupanox, instead of giving an ultimatum try to get him to go cold turkey for a week or two - if he can acquire some context/perspective maybe he can start to appreciate RL again.

[takahashi]

I SIT AT THE COMP NON STOP AND I DONT WATCH THAT MUCH TV GOD DAMNIT