Nyghtfall
July 27th, 2004, 01:27 am
This is a political joke my mother-in-law email my wife the other day. Enjoy!
--------
It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now
and then -- to loosen up. Inevitably, though, one thought led to another,
and soon I was more than just a social thinker. I began to think alone
-- "to relax," I told myself -- but I knew it wasn't true. Thinking
became more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking all the
time.
That was when things began to sour at home. One evening I had turned
off CNN and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent that
night at her mother's.
I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment
don't mix, but I couldn't stop myself. I began to avoid friends at lunchtime
so I could read Bill Buckley and Ann Colter. I would return to the
office dizzied and confused, asking, "What is it exactly we are doing here?"
One day the boss called me in. He said, "Listen, I like you, and it
hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you
don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another job." This
gave me a lot to think about.
I came home early after my conversation with the boss. "Honey,"
I confessed, "I've been thinking ..." "I know you've been thinking,"
she said, "and I want a divorce!"
"But honey, surely it's not that serious."
"It is serious," she said, lower lip aquiver. "You think as much
as college professors, and college professors don't make any money, so
if you keep on thinking, we won't have any money!"
"That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently. She exploded in tears
of rage and frustration, but I was in no mood to deal with the emotional
drama.
"I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out the door. I
headed for the library, in the mood for some Josephus. I roared into the
parking lot with Mr. O'Reilly on the radio and ran up to the big glass
doors... They didn't open. The library was closed. To this day, I
believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night.
As I sank to the ground, clawing at the unfeeling glass, whimpering
for Ann Rand, a poster caught my eye. "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining
your life?" it asked. You probably recognize that line. It comes from
the standard Thinker's Anonymous poster. Which is why I am what I am
today: a recovering thinker. I never miss a TA meeting.
At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it
was "Porky's." Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking
since the last meeting. I still have my job, and things are a lot better
at home.
Life just seemed... easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking.
I think the road to recovery is nearly complete for me.
_Today, I registered to vote as a Republican_
--------
It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now
and then -- to loosen up. Inevitably, though, one thought led to another,
and soon I was more than just a social thinker. I began to think alone
-- "to relax," I told myself -- but I knew it wasn't true. Thinking
became more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking all the
time.
That was when things began to sour at home. One evening I had turned
off CNN and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent that
night at her mother's.
I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment
don't mix, but I couldn't stop myself. I began to avoid friends at lunchtime
so I could read Bill Buckley and Ann Colter. I would return to the
office dizzied and confused, asking, "What is it exactly we are doing here?"
One day the boss called me in. He said, "Listen, I like you, and it
hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you
don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another job." This
gave me a lot to think about.
I came home early after my conversation with the boss. "Honey,"
I confessed, "I've been thinking ..." "I know you've been thinking,"
she said, "and I want a divorce!"
"But honey, surely it's not that serious."
"It is serious," she said, lower lip aquiver. "You think as much
as college professors, and college professors don't make any money, so
if you keep on thinking, we won't have any money!"
"That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently. She exploded in tears
of rage and frustration, but I was in no mood to deal with the emotional
drama.
"I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out the door. I
headed for the library, in the mood for some Josephus. I roared into the
parking lot with Mr. O'Reilly on the radio and ran up to the big glass
doors... They didn't open. The library was closed. To this day, I
believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night.
As I sank to the ground, clawing at the unfeeling glass, whimpering
for Ann Rand, a poster caught my eye. "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining
your life?" it asked. You probably recognize that line. It comes from
the standard Thinker's Anonymous poster. Which is why I am what I am
today: a recovering thinker. I never miss a TA meeting.
At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it
was "Porky's." Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking
since the last meeting. I still have my job, and things are a lot better
at home.
Life just seemed... easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking.
I think the road to recovery is nearly complete for me.
_Today, I registered to vote as a Republican_